Oh, I really don't know what to post. I think I'm just worried for no reason, but I do that a lot. Big worrier. I could insert a lot of jokes, thanks to OCD etc etc, but also. I wish I worried less and I wish I wasn't faced with the fact my brain just automatically and constantly scans for rules so that I can strictly adhere to them & then feel infinitely uncomfortable when ppl break them. But also ppl break them so easily. Not even sure if it's OCD, my own brain, the autism... who knows. I sure don't. I struggle with making life decisions. Or I guess, I'm not sure how to tell what I want. I want to be able to make enough money at a stable enough job to just take care of myself and the girls. And maybe my companion. And if I get anyone else in my life who's like companion status. And my friends. I wish we all, all as in every one on this earth, didn't have to struggle. Or work, or worry, or be scared. It's not fair.


Not to get depressing on the blog so quickly, I just think about my cats & how it's not like they worry. People have constructed so many cool things but we have created such a hell society. Yet there is so much to love about being alive. I wish we were all allowed to dedicate our time to whatever pleased us most. Ugh. Just frustrated myself. Anyways. The girls had a good day. There were lots of treats thanks to my mom getting them those talk buttons you train dogs to use. Not sure why she got it, but here we are. I'm going to see if I can train Fig to use them in some capacity. What even is that stuff anyays? Not sure if it will amount to anything. I'll keep the blog updated.


I do think it's important to do one's best but also acknowledge limits that are there. It's something I feel I struggle with. If a friend came to me and explained how they were feeling (how I currently feel), I think I'd tell them to just take things at their own speed. I'd give some really nice, thoughtful words, yet I go through the same thing and all the shit-talking thoughts seem to crowd out all the good thoughts that are around. You really just have to treat yourself like your own best friend. Treat yourself like the little kitty that you are. I used to have a warrior cat-sona that mirrored Firestar's arc essentailly, she ended up as Fernstar but at the time of doing this I didn't know how to spell fern or spell check things so she ended up often spelled as Frenstar and I leaned into. Frenstar of Mossclan. There was also, infamous to me now, my other clan, Fireclan. If you know, you know. Which literally I think only pertain to 2 people who'd chance upon this. Sorry, I guess, for the inside joke.